My dad gave me this gift certificate for tonight's Chinese New Year's buffet dinner at the hotel. By gift certificate, I meant he only handed me ONE! What am I supposed to do? Go to dinner ALL BY MYSELF??? Toink! Guess it's time to persuade my homies to get themselves tickets for tonight's chow. *sigh* Let's see what happens...

Okay, so my BFF posted her Rat's forecast for 2009. So here's for all of us PIGS!

恭喜發財!

Another twelve months of peace and quiet coming up for you Piggies! What could be better than that? The Ox is in charge and he wishes you no ill. In fact, Oxen and Pigs get on like two Pings in a pong. [I'm not sure I even have friends born in 1973, 1985, 1997!] Always content to meet up and banter back and forth about crops and flower varieties, exchange country recipes for jams and compare the qualities of their respective honies. [See? That's not exactly my cup of tea.] Good old fashioned rural-living people. The only fly in your Ox year ointment has to do with work. You are anything but a lazy person. [And you have to state the obvious!!!] You enjoy producing and caring for what you produce. You take pleasure in buying expensive art and jewelry. [Guilty as charged.] And you covet golden sconces and antique furniture. All of these lavish purchases cost money. [Butange!]

In order to get that loot, you have to work hard. Fine. So far, you see nothing amiss. [I'm a workaholic now, so nothing to worry here!] However, the Ox is a demanding taskmaster. This year you will be working your squiggly little tail off. There be less time and therefore less likelihood you will stumble on someone irresistible at the beach or at a chic spa or even at your local outdoor market. So try to accept that this year will be best used as a time to generate cash. [That's my plan for the year, diba? I'm gonna save!!! FOR REAL!] Once you have done so, you will be able to kick back and take off for some museum hopping in Amsterdam or Rome or Vienna. [I'd love that!] Nose to grindstone Piggy. The Ox is watching. [Okay, okay.]

By "generating cash" I mean re-build your capital. [I am aware of my 6-digit loss, okay?] Whatever you do, don't re-invest in the stock market. Do what you are best at Piggy: Buy items of enduring value. Sinking some of the money you make this year into art. Either buy paintings and sculptures by recently dead almost famous artists or else go for the gold and nab yourself a bona fide masterpiece. A Goya or a Caravaggio or a Picasso or a Braque will never lose value. Even if you daren't keep it in your home for fear of it being stolen right off the wall, have a reproduction made and put the real one in your safe deposit box or in your own person wall safe (Pigs often have such devices built right into their homes). [Yeah, in my panic room. LOL!] Same holds true for jewels. If you go straight to Cartier and buy a 5 carat diamond or a ruby and emerald necklace with tiny diamonds spattered decoratively around the colored stones, have a copy made to wear and put the real thing safely away somewhere. Those kinds of sure-thing items are classic Pig possessions. You Pigs love culture. And it's no secret you crave good food. But face it. You like riches even better. [I plead Guilty!]

And speaking of culture, this is not only a year for slaving over a hot job. You can use whatever little spare time the Ox year affords you to catch up on knowledge. We all have gaps in areas we wish we knew more about. In your case, it's likely to be art, music, the dance or the theater. Read yourself silly. Don't buy books. The public libraries are full of them and you can go borrow them. Or... you can spend an evening in the library itself. Catch up on the intellectual magazines you don't any longer want to pay for subscriptions to. Find out more about things you feel you need to know. French. Early Egyptian religion. Organic gardening. It's all there for the browsing. [So it really is a good idea that I go to cooking school this summer! Yipeee!!!]

Mainly this year Piggy dear, be careful to save your own skin. [Literally? Hmm.] You have a naïve streak that needs protecting. There are (as always) many sharks swimming about who would be only too happy to know that you have a Rembrandt buried in your garden. [Holy shit! I think I know what you mean now. Sheesh.] By all means, increase the balance in your Swiss bank account. But shrink the number of people you tell about it. [Got it!]

-By Suzanne White (The High Priestess of Astrology)