OMG! Where have i been??? To London... to visit the queen.

I don't even know where to begin, my life did a good 180-degree turn. I have all the time to write... but I'm still waiting for my DSL internet connection to get hooked up so I won't be bothered by this oh-so-slow speed...

I'll get back to you.. promise this won't take forever! tee hee!

What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you anymore? How can you be "just friends" when in your heart you've already lived a dozen lifetimes with this person? After his or her being your everyday, how will you wake up to today? How do you move on after loving with your whole heart... and giving your all? Though I cannot speak for everyone, I can speak for myself, and what I would do... what I have done... is move on... facing each morning... painfully... but with my head held high... because I know that I did give my all and I did love with my whole heart. The guy I love... loves another. Now what could be more painful than that? And yet, on the day he told me that friends is all we could be, he said I surprised him with my kindness and understanding. Instead of the anger he was expecting and ready for... I found it in me to smile and say everything would be okay. Because in truth, I knew it would. I have always believed (and always will) that love is pure and true... and that everyone has someone... two people meant to be together for the rest of their lives. And this is why I give all that I have. Even though friends often tell me to be careful because I might just as easily get hurt, I still give my everything, telling them that it is the only way I can know if it will work out or not. And after having given my all, if and when the relationship doesn't work, at least I am comforted by knowing that I couldn't have done anything better. I live my life with no regrets... and the only way for me to do that is by not holding back... so as to avoid the "what-ifs" that plague many of my friends' thoughts. I would be lying if I say it doesn't hurt. The truth is... tears cleanse the wounds on my heart every night before I go to sleep... bittersweet memories bring not laughter, but pain... and the feeling of being alone gnaws at my consciousness, just waiting for me to break down. But I will not break down. Because I know that he is happy. And because I still love him. That has not changed... because I loved him not knowing whether he loved me back or not. I may have lost him... and us... but I will not lose me. I am here... and I move on...