Basta Igat, Sikat! by MyMaria: August 2008

EVIL MAIL 2.0 Update: Bebidas THRE3SOME

Sunday, August 31, 2008
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So it’s really 08/08/08 today. Wow! The time has finally come. No reason for me to celebrate though. When I was fifteen, I told myself I was going to get married this date. With whoever it is I’m with, no matter what it takes. How immature I was! Marriage is really not my cup of tea now. Don’t get me wrong but it’s not that I’m afraid of commitments. I can and I have had committed before; it’s just that maybe it’s not fated yet.

If there’s one thing I learned over the years of being the-girl-your-mom-warned-you-about, it’s tolerance. You know, people really talk. (And I might as well give them something to talk about!) Especially with me living in small town Ormoc, there’s no doubt the best way to kill time here is to gossip. It’s a common knowledge here that even if you were just planning on doing something, the word out is that you already did it! But that can either make you or break you. It really depends on how you spin it. You know what they say, bad publicity is still publicity. I’m not even going to try and convince you to believe me when I say that everything that I’ve been through -- all those untoward events which were unbecoming -- have changed me.

I may have taken that rollercoaster ride of love far too many times, puked my heart out and got it trampled upon. Yet patience is another thing I’m very proud to have. I’m not the type to just take things as they are and just give up when things don’t seem to be working out. I always believed that good things come to those who wait and that everything has a purpose. You might not like what you see now but there’s a pretty big chance that you’re just looking at it the wrong way. A piece of advice: Try and turn things around and you might just see its true beauty, just like a piece of art.

You know, I really don’t like people who are so judgmental with others and don’t give other people chances. I know I’m speaking more for myself here and since it is my blog, I will say what I want. Obviously, the way people see me now is pretty much the same way they have before I left town. Who comes to mind? Celine. Yes, Anne Curtis’ character from MSKM. She was a wild one and I’ve had my time to be like that and my reasons. I’m sure anyone who understands where I’m coming from won’t even argue. We all need to grow up and sometimes we need to experience awfully terrible and even immoral things to know the difference. God has made it clear to me that the best part of it all is standing tall, feeling the remorse, and then being learned. Hell, you can say what you want about me and tag me a slut, but tell you what in the words of Celine, “I am the best slut in town!” HA HA HA! I’m kidding! Go ahead. I know this time you’re going to say that I’m rude and that I can never become the ideal daughter-in-law that Ormoc prefers… but guess what? I will never be defined. I once read that definitions belong to the definers, not the defined -- and so I find myself defining myself for other people lest I be defined by others and stuck into some box where I don't particularly belong.

I’m just happy living my life the way I am now. You think I have no conscience? Well, that can be arranged but the most important thing that I am doing now is simply giving back the love that I have been shown and the kind of love that I have come to know. Selfless, complimentary, and forbearing. I have a big heart and I won’t force you to believe me. But take a look at me now? Where I am at and who I have become is definitely not the same person I was 5 or so years ago.

When I left Ormoc, determined to make a life of my own and search for my life’s meaning, I didn’t think I would find the answers within myself. Just like the song which goes, “I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece while I sipped champagne on a yacht. I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got. I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see… I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.” But I have been to ME! And now that I have found my worth (which I will be blogging the next time around), whatever you say about and against me, will never change the fact that I have seen the ways of the world, I have tried what I had to, and I am content with what I have right now. Bottomline: I am happy. I have love. I will give back all that love and then some.

Do not stereotype me. Only God can judge me.